Getting married in the Philippines is one of the most celebrated and expensive occasions which take months of preparation from courtship to the actual wedding day. Here are some of the traditions that are still part in modern Filipino wedding.

Pleasing the Family

There is a saying, “One must please the family before the woman he intends to marry”.

In early centuries, if a man likes a woman (whether she likes him or not), he should ask the woman’s father the permission to woo his daughter. Once approved, he can start courting her by pleasing the woman’s family especially the elders. He should render service and/or give presents to the family. The presents are usually fruits, meat from the recent hunt and harvests. All presents for the woman must pass through the family.

The man is also expected to harana (serenade) the woman in kundiman (folk songs) or recites romantic poetry to her and her family.

Meetings and communication with the woman should always take place at the woman’s house where her family can watch and listen. The man is not allowed to sit beside the woman or on the same chair/sofa. He should sit on a chair opposite to her. If there’s only a bench, a member of the family sits between them. The man asks questions through the family, who relays them to the woman. The woman’s answers will be relayed in the same manner.

A woman is not allowed to have secret meetings with the man. She is always accompanied by a sibling or a close friend (usually a relative) everywhere she goes.

If the family accepts the guy to be part of the family (whether the woman is in love or not), the wedding will take place.

The Rules of Engagement

The journey isn’t finish once the man gets accepted in the family. Actually, it is just the beginning.

The man continues to serve the woman and her family, which is called paninilbihan (rendering service). He cuts the fire wood (paninibakan), plow the fields and/or hunt for food

When the guy wishes to marry, he asks her parents for her hand. In ancient and ethnic customs, the man casts his spear at the door steps of her house which signifies that the woman has accepted his proposal.

In modern Filipino customs, a ring is given to the woman as a symbol of engagement. He then, brings his parents and family to the woman’s house for the pamamanhikan (engagement) which happens whole day. This is the only chance his family will get to meet their future daughter-in-law. The wedding plans including the date, budget and guest list are made.

The couple is not allowed to participate in the arrangements, only the families of each side. The woman’s family makes the most of the suggestions or demands, while the man’s family agrees or state if things can or cannot be done. If, however, the families do not agree with the terms, no wedding will take place. In cases like this, some unmarried couple elopes; their families may disown or disband them from the clan. Filipinos believe that elopement or living together without marriage uproots the family’s honour.

Wedding Preparation

Few months before the wedding, both families prepare all the things necessary for the ceremony; fattening the swine, sending out of invitations and fitting the wedding outfits.

Traditional outfits which were worn prior to the colonization are in vibrant colours or stylish black adorned with colourful bouquets and trinkets.

When the Spaniards arrive, the outfit has changed into baro’t saya, a Hispanic influenced dress for Filipino women. The men wear the barong tagalog (barong), a long-sleeve shirt made from piña silk or jusi (native ecru fabrics) over a white t-shirt and black trousers.

When the Americans colonize the country until now, the wedding outfit has changed. The outfit should match the wedding motif. The bride usually wears the western white gown with lengthy white veil while the groom wears black tuxedo with bow or tie. However, a Filipino groom may wear the suit, but his male guests may sometimes arrive in their barongs.

The wedding reception usually takes place at the woman’s place (at a restaurant or hotel for modern ceremony).

A week before the ceremony, the bride and her relatives offer their homes to accommodate the groom’s family and visitors. However, the groom stays at his place or his friend’s house. Both families decorate the bride’s house and the reception area with flowers made from crepe paper or fresh flowers, banderitas (ribbons and streamers) and rented or owned large wooden tables are placed.

On the Wedding Eve

On the ante-desperas (two days before the ceremony), swine are slaughtered and food preparation takes place. Most guests have settled and the crowd is gathering, either to help out or to gossip about the family or the visitors.

There will be dancing, merriment and drinking spree every night until the day after the wedding. This is also the time, when relatives and friends of both families get acquainted and sometimes, get involved.

The Wedding Ceremony